On the face of it, Seth Partnow (hi Seth!) and Rep. Ben Nageak would have little in common. But according to borderline abusive astrologer published at TLC,“An Aries born on March 26 will be a bright individual. Although they appear capable, they possess a deep insecurity that can create emotional distress. They are unlikely to reveal these vulnerabilities, preferring to solve their own problems.” It goes on: “March 26 individuals… may be blessed with only average good health, they are capable of developing a great deal of life-enhancing energy.”

Humph. Doesn’t sound like the either of them would be a blast at a party, say nothing of the gym. Another, less abusive astrologer is more generous towards those born on March 26. (You can really spend all afternoon on this stuff) ”Your friends and family have always marveled at your ability to dedicate yourself fully to any endeavor you take on,” it says, “Likewise, it is this same energy and passion that makes you a natural leader. You would be surprised to realize how many followers and admirers you have amassed!”

(Speaking of the beloved Ben Nageak: after a scare with his heart, he’s back at work attracting admirers and smiling as widely as ever.)

Then there’s Reps. Gabrielle LeDoux and Kurt Olson, who were both born on March 24 and who also, according to the abusive astrologer, have admirers. (Or so they think). As for them, they are described like this: “Creative and sympathetic, the Aries born on March 24 sees their life as an expression of their deep inner creativity. Their good nature extends to everyone around them, and they are unlikely to have enemies. They possess a credible simplicity that attracts enthusiastic admirers.” The abusive one tells them to stay away from coffee, but doesn’t mention wine at the Baranof, where admirers, also known as lobbyists, are known to extend their hospitality.