Poor Alaska. It just can’t get a break. Its coal is watery. Its oil is depleting. Its natural gas is too expensive. lts gold unmineable. Nobody wants its potatoes or barley. Once there was an idea that people might really want its water. Nobody much seems to now. Nobody wants its weather, or its politicians. Nobody wants its people, either. When its people go to other places and say they are from this state, they get funny you’re-weird-get-away-from-us looks.

The one thing it did have going for it, the one thing that it prided itself on above all else, was its salmon.

Nobody, not the biggest mining companies in the world, not the Japanese, the Russians, nor the Canadians were going to take that away from Alaska. Alaska’s salmon was a driver for statehood. Beers are named in their honor. People wear tattoos in tribute to Alaska salmon. Whole lives revolve around the catching, processing and eating of the fish.

And a cottage industry has sprung up and millions of state dollars have been spent trying to convince the world that it tastes better than all other salmon.

The problem? According to a panel that the Washington Post put together of noted D.C. seafood chefs and a seafood wholesaler, it doesn’t taste better. In fact, the two Alaska species on the table scored second to last and last place compared to salmon from eight other regions.

Adding insult to injury, salmon from Alaska was among the most expensive of all they tried.

Number 1 on the list? Farm raised, frozen salmon from Norway, sold and packaged by Costco. Number two, farmed raised salmon from Norway. In fact, the top five on the list were all farm raised.

Here’s the complete list:

1. Costco farmed Atlantic, frozen in 4 percent salt solution, from Norway; $6 per pound (7.6 out of 10)

2. Trader Joe’s farmed Atlantic, from Norway; $10.99 per pound (6.4)

3. Loch Duart farmed Atlantic, from Scotland; $15 to $18 per pound (6.1)

4. Verlasso farmed Atlantic, from Chile; $12 to $15 per pound (6)

5. Whole Foods farmed Atlantic salmon, from Scotland; $14.99 per pound (5.6)

6. ProFish wild king (netted), from Willapa Bay, Wash.; $16 to $20 per pound (5.3)

7. AquaChile farmed Atlantic, from Chile; $12 to $15 per pound (4.9)

8. ProFish wild coho (trolled), from Alaska; $16 to $20 per pound. (4.4)

9. ProFish wild king (trolled), from Willapa Bay; $16 to $20 per pound (4)

10. Costco wild coho, from Alaska; $10.99 per pound (3.9)

But really, what do those stupid, D.C. chefs know? Nothing. They know nothing at all. They’re stupid and so are their taste buds and we don’t care what they think because we know our salmon is the best in the world. End of discussion.

Contact Amanda Coyne at amandamcoyne@yahoo.com